Do you often find yourself thinking and blurting out no to almost every question life throws your way? Does saying yes take time, thinking, and possibly some persuading? Well, you are not alone. I am inviting you on a year-long journey with me to understand our no habit and embrace a yes mindset.
The Comfort of No
In the early years of my career, my principal asked me, “Are you aware that your answer to almost every question is no?” The realization of this caught me by surprise. Did I change my natural instinct to say no? Absolutely not. Instead, I became a pro at saying no with a touch of diplomacy.
Fast forward to a later stage in my career. My superintendent identified my tendency to pinpoint why ideas wouldn’t work; he figured out my work-around to saying no. Did I relinquish my predisposition to say no? Certainly not. I adapted by seeking feedback through thoughtful questions before expressing my reservations.
Now, here’s the plot twist – the consistent use of no served me well. It afforded me the luxury of time for contemplation, the flexibility to transition to yes when warranted, an escape from unwarranted commitments, and a sense of comfort and personal space. Until recently…
I was at a training centered on boundaries. Some of the discussion focused on setting boundaries to say no. When a different point of view focused on shifting a boundary away from no to cultivate a boundary that allowed for yes.
This insight made me question my cozy no space. When hearing this I began to reflect upon if saying no was as comforting and helpful as I thought. Then a few months later, a conversation with a colleague brought to light the realization that my proficiency at saying no was inadvertently impeding progress in my business. Ouch!
Now what?
So, with my new insights, what did I do? Well, I did what any reasonable person struggling with a question does; I turned to Google.
The quest for insights into saying yes led me down various paths, including articles on abundance, literally different ways to say yes, and advisories on the cautious use of yes. All were helpful, but not quite what I was seeking.
In our society, saying no is crucial, and I completely understand the immense stress saying yes too much can cause. But what about those of us drowning in stress because we’re experts at saying no to everything? Should we adopt a Yes Man approach similar to Jim Carrey’s character in the 2008 movie? As a mother, wife, and entrepreneur, such an approach is not doable.
The Journey to Yes
So, what’s the solution? An excellent question. I am inviting you on a year-long journey with me to answer this question. Over the next year, we will explore how to determine if no is your go to answer, the benefits and challenges of saying no, how to challenge your no thinking in different parts of your life, and how to become more comfortable saying yes (or least maybe).
As we start this journey, I want to share a few in important points:
I see you: If, like me, you lean towards no more often than yes, understand that you are not alone. Let’s challenge the negative perceptions surrounding no perspectives together and grow in our ability to yes for our growth.
You can still say no: The point of this journey is not to stop saying no. It is to stop no from ruling our thoughts and decisions. We will maintain the strength to say no while growing our ability to say yes.
We are in this together: Shifting away from saying no is like asking someone to part with their security blanket. While it may not be an easy undertaking, together, we possess the resilience to navigate this challenge.
Throughout this blog, I have shared what saying no has done for me. Connecting with these insights has helped me to appreciate the strength of no and how it is holding me back.
Now it’s your turn. I invite you to kick off your journey to saying yes by gaining some insight into your relationship with the word no. Take a few moments to think about how saying no makes you feel, what it gives you, and what it is taking away from you.
I encourage you to share on LinkedIn or in the blog comment section your insights.
So, let’s team up to make 2024 the year we fine-tune our tendency to say no, unlocking a world of opportunities that yes has in the cards!
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